It’s taken me a long time to divorce. It’s not something I take lightly. It’s been over 3.5 years since I discovered the infidelity, and it is only this week, that, Lord Willing, I hope to sign final papers.
From that first traumatic day, I knew I had to separate from him – The Lord made that clear to me – but I didn’t know how the story would end – divorce? reconcilliation? indefinite separation?
He claimed he was repentant, and began that flurry of activity that I now know is common for someone who has just been caught, but doesn’t necessarily indicate repentance – support group meetings, counseling sessions, dramatic (and manipulative) confessions to anyone who would listen. The Holy Spirit told me not to trust it – but allowed me my choice to wait and watch for true fruit.
Eventually, I started to notice signs – a slip up here, a change in attitude there, a “white” lie, an email I wasn’t supposed to see – he was cheating again.
Still I didn’t want to make a move toward divorce – I wanted to keep watching and waiting – until I had “real evidence,” until I knew “for sure.”
That’s when the Holy Spirit began to convict me like a Mack Truck.
“You know enough. You’ve waited long enough. If you don’t divorce him, you are enabling, and you are in sin.” I heard the words loud and clear.
Over the course of the next week, the convictions came one after the other. God spoke to me left and right – through His Word, through situations, and through His Still Small Voice (though it did not seem very “small” that week).
On one of those days, I “happened” to read something about how the Romans used to torture people by chaining them to a dead body. I heard that Still Small Voice as if through a megaphone:
“That’s you. You’re chained to a dead body. And it’s not what I want for you.”
That was about a year and a half ago – I hope to share in more posts about how the process unfolded from there, but yesterday, as I processed one more manipulation about the final details of the divorce, God brought that message back to me – He doesn’t want me chained to a dead body anymore – my STBX wanted to manipulate me into a situation that would keep me bound to him unnecessarily – God told me, “no.”
This morning, I turned to Pslam 116:
“… you have freed me from my chains.” (Psalm 116:16c)
The rest of the Psalm talks about responding to that freedom with a life of thanksgiving and praise.
Praise God! I can almost taste that freedom now.
No more chains!
No more dead bodies!
Brothers and Sisters, Please pray that I will be freed soon to begin the next chapter of my life!
Copyright 2020. Rebecca Nazzer.