Music for Surviving Adultery: Part 1

Heart with earphones closeup on red background
Heart with earphones closeup on red background

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God, you are precious to me.
You are honored, and I love you.
Isaiah 43:2-4

In December 2016, I sat in front of the computer, my newborn cradled in my arms, staring at the evidence of betrayal by my husband/”best friend”/”Ministry Partner,” staring right back at me with it’s cold, unflinching truth.

I felt sick to my stomach.

“Oh Jesus, help me,” came the whispered words from my mouth.

The very next words that came to my mind were the words of a song I hadn’t heard in years. “If You Want Me To,” by Ginny Owens, helped carry me through the blur of the next few months. Whenever I sang those words to myself, it was with new resolve to take one more step, and put my trust in Jesus again and again, though my world had become a nightmare from which I kept hoping to wake up.

Though her song has spoken to many who are going through divorce and betrayal, Ginny wrote it about her struggle with God’s call on her life as a singer/songwriter, though she had lost her sight at three years old.

The lyrics seem to come straight out of James 1:2-4.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

This is one of my “anchor passages.” I can’t say it’s one of my “favorite passages,” since it’s such a hard one. But, I have returned to it again and again in the hardest times of my life, daily, even minute-by-minute, choosing to obey, to press forward and choose joy, despite the circumstances. And in that way, not just the verse, but the habit built by obedience to it, has become an anchor, tethering me close to my faith in the hardest times.
Here is the song. The lyrics are below.
I hope it blesses you today.
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
‘Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
Songwriters: Ginny Owens / Kyle David Matthews
If You Want Me To lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group


Copyright 2019 Rebecca Nazzer. All Rights Reserved.

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